I'm Back

Just re-read my previous posts and I haven't made a lot of progress with alleviating anxiety or depression - the battle continues. A couple things I did note about my previous posts is that...

• they are too long
• I'm great at making lists but not following them
• I have good ideas but can't seem to put them into action

Something else I've come to learn about myself is I lack motivation and don't feel passionate about much of anything. 

Looking back over four years of retirement I have tried many activities - some have stuck and some haven't. So I've been letting go of the ones that don't add anything to my life and focussing on the ones that do. For example...

• Crochet and spool-knitting: during the depths of his massive depression my Dad creating a huge room-filling rug through spool-knitting. People in the small village he lived in would drop off leftover balls of wool. It kept his hands busy which is important when you live in anxiety or fear. I tried it for the first year of retirement, crocheting as well, but neither really interested me. 
• Sewing: I thought that I would try sewing instead. In high school I sewed most of my clothes and I was good at it. I have a fairly new sewing machine. I bought a pattern and material and still they sit in a bag somewhere. I'm good at the planning, terrible at the follow through.
• DIY projects - painting, wall papering, fixing etc. I did a lot when I first retired but have tapered off. I would still like to get some improvements done around the house but prefer, for now, to put my money into travel.
• Travel :) I really really love to travel and see new things, new places etc. My experiences have been good except for last year's trip. My travel partner had to downsize her trip which meant I would be doing the long distance hike alone. That was fine but I had a freak accident damaging several toes on my right foot which became infected and I couldn't continue. I was somewhere in the Scottish Highlands with no help at hand and had an anxiety attack. Managed to find a bus to take me to Glasgow airport and flew home. I've been down on myself because I think (sometimes) that I should have toughed it out. Logically I know I couldn't but since when is anxiety logical? The good news is my brother and I are going to Scotland in September this year which I am looking forward to. I also did a trip to Vancouver Island last year and did a few hikes and visited two friends. Since I purchased a car last September my savings have decreased so I am working on building up my accounts again so I can continue to take two trips a year instead of one. Time will tell.
• Yoga and meditation: still enjoying yoga and I follow up my daily 1/2 hour with a short meditation. I may increase the meditation time from 10 minutes to 20 minutes. I use the Yoga Studio App and find it helpful.
• Soapstone carving - I created several pieces over fall and winter though I find I have to push myself to get going on this very enjoyable hobby.
• Genealogy - again something I really enjoy but hard to get started.
• Volleyball - I am playing 6 hours a week (2 hours 3x weekly) I really enjoy this sport and have a lead on a beach volleyball court close to where I live and the people are the same folks I play with now. Age 55+; some are also thinking about lawn bowling which I will try if it gets going. I usually go out with some of the other v-ball players for a pint once a week - at first this was stressful but it is getting easier.
• Cycling - I am eager to get my bicycle out of the basement for a new season of long rides on the bike trails. Cycling is tied with hiking/long distance walking for the joy it brings me. Yes, cycling brings me joy. The freedom, the speed, the wind that keeps me cool - just can't get enough of it!
• Hiking/long distance walking: I enjoy being out in nature every day. I've been at my favourite spot everyday for the past couple of weeks waiting for the return of the osprey couple who have taken up permanent occupation of the light standard in centre field of a nearby baseball diamond. They arrived yesterday and I was so pleased. (I no longer use the indoor walking track as I prefer to walk outside.) And it's been proven walking in nature helps with depression.
• Nature and Photography - I love taking photos - I made a calendar last year as a Christmas gift to family members of photos I took in the Connemara region in Ireland. One brother said they were the best photos of that area that he'd ever seen and I should make a calendar. I took his advice and with the help of Apple I created a wonderful keepsake. I also plan to make a picture book, also with Apple help, of the wildflowers, birds and animals I see where I hike. I have hundreds of photos to choose from and it is an enjoyable activity.

To summarize the activities that I still enjoy and pursue are: travel, hiking/long distance walking, photography, nature, cycling, yoga and meditation. Ones that I will try to continue: carving and genealogy. Ones I've given up on - crochet, spool knitting and sewing though I would at least like to make the top that I purchased material for. 

My apologies for disappearing from my blog - hopefully I will continue to write posts as it is good therapy.  I'll leave you with this positive message:

"Develop interest in life as you see it; in things, people, music, literature - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.
Henry Miller (American author)

Walking and Depression

After hiking outside yesterday (it was a balmy 17c) it was back to the indoor track today as the rain is pouring down. 

If there is one thing that I can point to that lifts my spirits it's walking and/or cycling. It doesn't matter if I'm walking inside or outside once I get into a rhythm I start to feel small stirrings of happiness. Yes, it's only temporary but the benefits are real and eventually longer lasting. The following excerpt explains a bit about how exercise helps with depression...

(For the entire article go HERE)

A study published in 2005 found that walking fast for about 35 minutes a day five times a week or 60 minutes a day three times a week had a significant influence on mild to moderate depression symptoms. Walking fast for only 15 minutes a day five times a week or doing stretching exercises three times a week did not help as much. (These exercise lengths were calculated for someone who weighs about 150 pounds. If you weigh more, longer exercise times apply, while the opposite is true if you weigh less than 150 pounds.)

How does exercise relieve depression? For many years, experts have known that exercise enhances the action of endorphins, chemicals that circulate throughout the body. Endorphins improve natural immunity and reduce the perception of pain. They may also serve to improve mood. Another theory is that exercise stimulates the neurotransmitter norepinephrine, which may directly improve mood.

Besides lifting your mood, regular exercise offers other health benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, protecting against heart disease and cancer, and boosting self-esteem. How often or intensely you need to exercise to alleviate depression is not clear, but for general health, experts advise getting half an hour to an hour of moderate exercise, such as brisk walking, on all or most days of the week.

I read on one woman's blog about how hard it was for her to be motivated enough to walk. She put her workout clothes on the floor by her bed so they would be the first things she'd see in the morning. It helped! We all know how easy it is to make excuses or to "forget". Sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning is all we can manage. TRY to make the effort to walk, better yet walk with a friend if you can. Motivate each other.

Have a laugh on me!

One Step at a Time

In my ongoing effort to get well, both physically and mentally, I had acupuncture this morning for my back. A few weeks ago I went on a very difficult hike - 20km across icy terrain. I had an impossible time trying to maintain my balance and ended up with piriformis syndrome as a result. I've been doing lots of exercises and stretches but thought maybe acupuncture would help me cope with the pain as it had worked for me before when I had a pinched nerve in my shoulder.

The doctor said I may only need one session which was great news as it costs $50 each time. I felt pretty good after so decided to do some walking at the BMO Centre. I haven't been there before but since it was pouring down rain I decided to use their indoor track. I walked for about an hour and a half without pain.

I feel good that I took action today and looked after a health problem. I'm feeling some pain in the backs of my legs but it's not killing me. I can cope.

Something else I'm trying to do is have more contact with family and friends. I find it remarkably easy to become isolated. The more isolated I become the more isolated I want to be. It's a vicious cycle and I know it's not good for me even though I tend to create situations where I don't see/talk to or seemingly "need" anyone. I think that's the introvert in me. Introversion and depression are not a good combination.

Today was not a stellar day for interacting with others but I did text for awhile with my friend Michelle, I spent time with my daughter, I confirmed breakfast on Friday with a former colleague by email, wrote a post for my other blog, talked to my acupuncturist (does that count?), and received a phone call from a friend. Didn't really feel like going on facebook today.

As far as activities I made myself complete a little DIY project in the main bathroom. I cleaned out the cupboard under the sink, wiped it down and put down new contact paper, installed an extra shelf for added storage, threw out a few things and then re-organized it. Also put up a rack in my daughter's bedroom so she can hang her dance medals on it. It felt good to get a couple of things done. I feel somewhat motivated to do the same with the powder room tomorrow as I have lots of contact paper left. We'll see.

Oh, and I did a little shopping at Walmart - I bought two zero-gravity chairs for our trailer which is located on Lake Huron. I set one up in the living room because I thought it might make a comfortable place to take a break as I'm not supposed to sit very much - I'm on it now and it's VERY comfortable.

All in all a fairly good day.