Finding the Right Balance

I wish I had one of these!

This week has had several outings already and it's only Wednesday. Finding the right balance between socializing and spending time at home re-energizing isn't easy. But it's essential to an introvert's sanity.

So far I've gone out to dinner with family members, gone to play volleyball and have a drink and conversation with my fellow volleyballers, went to see a movie with a friend, had a PM conversation with a friend who is travelling. Now that I write it out it doesn't seem like that much and I feel that I'm coping ok. But today I am going NOWHERE and I'm cooking up an Easter dinner for my daughter and I as she was away with friends over the holiday weekend. And I'm glad to be home.

Every morning when I wake up I think about if I have to go out or not. When I realize I do not I feel relieved. If I do have to go out I feel somewhat anxious even though most outings go well. It's just something I live with.

I don't know what came first - the anxiety/depression or the introversion. Has the introversion led me to be anxious and depressed? It seems logical. Or has the anxiety/depression caused me to be introverted? Also sounds logical.

I'm not sure - I think back to when I was a kid and I managed quite well. I usually only had one best friend at a time though interacted with a group of friends. I also took 4 books out of the library every week and spent a lot of time alone reading. Recharging though I didn't know it then. Another activity I enjoyed, alone, was riding my bike out into the countryside with a paper bag lunch and a book to read. I'd park my bike near a small forest, find a tree that I could climb and sit in, read and munch away to my heart's content. Pure bliss.

The world responds to and prefers extroverts. I find that hard to deal with and on occasion try to "appear" extroverted which must be terribly hard on my psyche.

Time to read my books about introversion again. I accept that I am an introvert though I find it's not an easy thing to be. So there is a struggle between "what is" and what I think "should be."

Talk soon...

One Step at a Time

In my ongoing effort to get well, both physically and mentally, I had acupuncture this morning for my back. A few weeks ago I went on a very difficult hike - 20km across icy terrain. I had an impossible time trying to maintain my balance and ended up with piriformis syndrome as a result. I've been doing lots of exercises and stretches but thought maybe acupuncture would help me cope with the pain as it had worked for me before when I had a pinched nerve in my shoulder.

The doctor said I may only need one session which was great news as it costs $50 each time. I felt pretty good after so decided to do some walking at the BMO Centre. I haven't been there before but since it was pouring down rain I decided to use their indoor track. I walked for about an hour and a half without pain.

I feel good that I took action today and looked after a health problem. I'm feeling some pain in the backs of my legs but it's not killing me. I can cope.

Something else I'm trying to do is have more contact with family and friends. I find it remarkably easy to become isolated. The more isolated I become the more isolated I want to be. It's a vicious cycle and I know it's not good for me even though I tend to create situations where I don't see/talk to or seemingly "need" anyone. I think that's the introvert in me. Introversion and depression are not a good combination.

Today was not a stellar day for interacting with others but I did text for awhile with my friend Michelle, I spent time with my daughter, I confirmed breakfast on Friday with a former colleague by email, wrote a post for my other blog, talked to my acupuncturist (does that count?), and received a phone call from a friend. Didn't really feel like going on facebook today.

As far as activities I made myself complete a little DIY project in the main bathroom. I cleaned out the cupboard under the sink, wiped it down and put down new contact paper, installed an extra shelf for added storage, threw out a few things and then re-organized it. Also put up a rack in my daughter's bedroom so she can hang her dance medals on it. It felt good to get a couple of things done. I feel somewhat motivated to do the same with the powder room tomorrow as I have lots of contact paper left. We'll see.

Oh, and I did a little shopping at Walmart - I bought two zero-gravity chairs for our trailer which is located on Lake Huron. I set one up in the living room because I thought it might make a comfortable place to take a break as I'm not supposed to sit very much - I'm on it now and it's VERY comfortable.

All in all a fairly good day.