Finding the Right Balance

I wish I had one of these!

This week has had several outings already and it's only Wednesday. Finding the right balance between socializing and spending time at home re-energizing isn't easy. But it's essential to an introvert's sanity.

So far I've gone out to dinner with family members, gone to play volleyball and have a drink and conversation with my fellow volleyballers, went to see a movie with a friend, had a PM conversation with a friend who is travelling. Now that I write it out it doesn't seem like that much and I feel that I'm coping ok. But today I am going NOWHERE and I'm cooking up an Easter dinner for my daughter and I as she was away with friends over the holiday weekend. And I'm glad to be home.

Every morning when I wake up I think about if I have to go out or not. When I realize I do not I feel relieved. If I do have to go out I feel somewhat anxious even though most outings go well. It's just something I live with.

I don't know what came first - the anxiety/depression or the introversion. Has the introversion led me to be anxious and depressed? It seems logical. Or has the anxiety/depression caused me to be introverted? Also sounds logical.

I'm not sure - I think back to when I was a kid and I managed quite well. I usually only had one best friend at a time though interacted with a group of friends. I also took 4 books out of the library every week and spent a lot of time alone reading. Recharging though I didn't know it then. Another activity I enjoyed, alone, was riding my bike out into the countryside with a paper bag lunch and a book to read. I'd park my bike near a small forest, find a tree that I could climb and sit in, read and munch away to my heart's content. Pure bliss.

The world responds to and prefers extroverts. I find that hard to deal with and on occasion try to "appear" extroverted which must be terribly hard on my psyche.

Time to read my books about introversion again. I accept that I am an introvert though I find it's not an easy thing to be. So there is a struggle between "what is" and what I think "should be."

Talk soon...